So what are your preferences? Whatever they are it seems that airport security can cater for them. What’s on offer? Well, we get to remove articles of clothing on entering security. If this is your thing then why not do it with flair? The tantalising removal of the odd item of clothing has to be a good start. Why not follow up with a little role play? The person in a uniform ( you like?) gets to inspect your intimate belongings in close detail and may even play the dominatrix and wield the power of confiscation. What a tease! There goes your best perfume/ after shave. Gives you a nice cosy feeling of security though, doesn’t it?

The intimacy can extend to groping if you have any naughty metal bits that the officer doesn’t approve of. The close physical contact is carried out by someone of the same gender  – but you know what they say – don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. It could well provide some with a little extra pleasure. Who knows which way either party is inclined? All good clean, legal fun.

However, if all this cosy caring treatment isn’t enough to soothe your fears then how about removing all your kit in front of complete strangers? Maybe that really turns you on? All tastes catered for – just step right up to the full body scan.

You still don’t feel protected enough? Well, maybe you prefer the reassuring thought that someone, somewhere is listening to your private conversations.  OK maybe you’re into threesomes, in which case the latest proposals in Ottowa airport will be right up your street – not content with peeking, groping and voyeurism security measures are to include a third party listening to intimate conversations:


If your’re hooked on hard core then just keep turning up and complying. However, please be patient with those of us who are neither paranoid nor perverted, as we sidestep the full body scans.


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